Sunday, April 11, 2010

Helena Guergis digs new hellhole

Helena Guergis: sent to the back of the class

Well, it looks like Helena Guergis is in the shizzit again, having been first encouraged to resign from cabinet and now officially defrocked by Prime Minister Harper, banished to sit as an independent and being investigated by the RCMP and ethics committee for undisclosed reasons. Her constituents think it should have happened sooner.

This has nothing to do with her meltdown at the Charlottetown Airport, (although now that I think about it, maybe she was ripped on coke). That could explain why she was throwing her shoes around in a fit of pique and trying to break through the security doors. Where are those taser-toting Mounties when you need them?

In the absence of any real information, speculation is rampant, and mostly focused on potential influence peddling, involving her husband, disgraced former Conservative MP Rahim Jaffer. You may remember his Sept 2009 bust for speeding, impaired driving and cocaine possesion, after which he got off virtually scott free with a $500 fine for careless driving. That's the kind of "tough on crime" we like to see.

Jaffer certainly likes to hang with the high-rollers. He was out for a boozy dinner with shady Toronto "businessman" Nazim Gillani and several hookers lady escorts prior to being pulled over by the OPP on his way home later that night. Gillani, a former Hell's Angel's banker, bragged about having an open door to the PM's offices, presumably through Jaffer's wife Guergis, something Harper predictably denies. Gillani is currently under investigation by York Region police for a $1.5 million wire transfer fraud, and investment fraud by the RCMP. 


While the speculation swirls the official Conservative line is that they have found a bad apple, and acted swiftly to remove said spoiled fruit. But those of you with memories that go back further than 6 months may detect a certain pattern….

The dude, the biker chick and the briefcase
No, it isn't a post-modern parody of C.S. Lewis, but another sorry Tory story of Foreign Affairs minister gone mentally AWOL: Maxime Bernier and his girlfriend Julie Couillard, former wife of a Hell's Angel kingpin who was gunned down in Montreal. 

Hmm... there's that name Hell's Angels again.

Back in 2008, Bernier, who has a keen eye for designer suits and questionable babes, accidently left his briefcase, containing sensitive NATO documents at Couillad's apartment when he was there for the traditional break-up/mercy fuck. Five weeks passed during which he must have felt just the tiniest bit of curiosity about where he left his briefcase, no? But it wasn't until Ms Couillard came forward with the information that he, and we the public, found out what had happened. As a result he resigned his cabinet post but is still a sitting member of the Conservatives. I guess that's okay, because lots of people leave sensitive government documents lying around, such as...

Lisa "cancer is sexy" Raitt

Long a thorn in the side of Toronto as federally-appointed head of the Toronto Harbour Commision, Lisa Raitt was hand-picked by the Harper team to go up against former Tory MP and self-styled maverick Garth Turner in the 2008 election. Turner had been booted from caucus for taking the idea of transparency and accountability a little too far by having -- wait for it -- a blog. Nein! Nein! Das is verboten! said Doug Finley, director of political operations for the Conservative party, not necessarily in those exact words.

Raitt won the Halton riding handily and then proceeded to demonstrate the Peter Principal which states that someone will be promoted to their level of incompetence.

First, following in the footsteps of Bernier, she left a folder filled with confidential documents at the CTV's Ottawa bureau for over a week. The proverbial poop hit the cooling device and Lisa was forced by circumstances to allow her aide to take full responsibility and resign. Sure is good to see that accountability we keep hearing about.

Meanwhile however, more poop waits in the wings, such as the a little matter of $80,000 in expenses she signed off on while at the Harbour Commision, over the objections of then chair Michele McCarthy, who refused to approve the expense. That followed a finding that a staffer in Raitt's office had used TPA resources on Raitt's election campaign. It's so hard to get good help these days.

Gerry "death by a thousand cold-cuts" Ritz

Who could forget the Listeriosis crises? Oh wait, everyone. After all we've had the dreaded Swine Flu pandemic to worry about since then.

But, back in the heady pre-H1N1 days of 2008, there was a great deal of pubic concern about the scaling back of food inspections, and the predictable results of letting meat producers inspect themselves.

At that point the death toll from Maple Leaf Foods tainted meats was at 17. This was not looking good and a conference call was set up to plan the necessary spin.

Gerry opened his remarks by asking "Are there any more bombs out there?"

Each new death was making the government look worse. To that point he offered, "This is like a death by a thousand cuts. Or should I say cold cuts." You'll just have to imagine the guffaws.

When told about a new death in Prince Edward Island, Ritz said: "Please tell me it's (Liberal MP) Wayne Easter."

There were calls for his resignation but they were dismissed as political opportunism by "master strategist" Harper. Ritz is still Minister of Agriculture, no doubt continuing to work on the destruction of Canada's Wheat Board.

If you missed the listeriosis outbreak the first time, don't worry. Looks like it's set to make a comeback.

With the backdrop of another listeria-related food recall last week  and five deaths being investigated in relation to the outbreak, local MP  and Minister of Agriculture Gerry Ritz came under attack from the  Opposition on Monday.
"Despite its promises, the  government has not yet hired inspectors," said Alex Atamanenko, NDP MP  for B.C. Southern Interior. "The minister promised to invest $75 million  in the Canadian food safety system. However, no monies were announced  in the latest budget. Listeriosis has surfaced again and has already  caused five deaths in Ontario this year.
Yep... a definite pattern.
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